Gun Buyback and Male Enhancement

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Gun buyback program aims to restore lost manhood to thousands of flaccid patriots.

"You can't take away a man's gun and destroy his self-confidence and masculinity," said Dr. Herbie Lipschitz, erectile dysfunction specialist. "But we have too many goddamn guns in this country, so I think my program can help."

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As a maverick in the male enhancement industry, Dr. Lipschitz revolutionized the field of penile manipulation with his avant-garde techniques and often controversial procedures. But after decades of dealing with frustrated little men, Lipschitz began to notice a shocking trend.

"I realized almost all of my patients were also avid gun enthusiasts. The severity of the problems in their pants, either with size, girth, or function, were directly related to the quantity of guns they owned or planned to buy," Dr. Lipschitz said.

After hearing about successful gun buyback programs in several major cities, Dr. Lipschitz realized he could offer something a little more enticing. For a limited time, his practice will be offering free male enhancement treatments for anyone willing to quit gun collecting and go gun free in 2013.

"You don't need a gun to be a real man," said Dr. Lipschitz. "You don't need to blame liberals, feminists, or black people for your lack of self-confidence. The problem isn't the exterior, mechanical parts of the body, because I can fix those. The real issue is the puny mind of that frustrated little gun nut -- fixing that will take some time."


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